


Another Chance

by Madelief



Series: Mind Over Matter [6]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 09:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12251358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madelief/pseuds/Madelief
Summary: From a prompt 'Drunk, at the end of your rope.'Kaidan goes to retrieve Shepard from the Dark Star Lounge. Set right after Udina's betrayal.





	Another Chance

A raucous laugh hits his ears, Kaidan thankful for the dark shadows and hidden booths the Dark Star Lounge is renowned for. It gives him the chance to slip in unnoticed, observe the laugh’s owner and decide whether the rumours are true or not. Another high-pitched trill pierces the throbbing base and murmured voices, accompanied by a lower rumble of amusement and a chortle verging on the edge of a sneer. The group are, by all accounts, having a blast, the veritable life and soul of the packed bar.

Except for the false, jarring note in the woman’s voice, now slurring out a joke so crude Kaidan blinks. He orders a beer, settling back in his seat and keeping his expression neutral. It wouldn’t do for anyone to get the wrong idea. This bar is a notorious hangout for the criminal underclass of the Citadel and unwanted attention will detract from the intensely personal mission he’s embarked on.

‘Cheers.’ His drink arriving, Kaidan’s fingers flicker over his omni-tool to set up a tab, adding a large tip in advance as the eyes of the Asari server brighten. ‘Say, that group over there, with the krogan, the turian and the human. Quite the party they’ve got going on.’

‘That’s an understatement.’ Flicking from surly to gregarious courtesy of Kaidan’s generosity, the Asari is conversational. ‘Third bottle of whiskey for the lady in less than two hours. Accompanied by various chasers and some potent liquor out of Omega that Aria’s crew bought with them. The turian can barely keep up, but you know krogans. I thought you humans were meant to be lightweights but she’s kept up with every single shot and doesn’t look like she’s about to quit any time soon.’

Kaidan nods absently, the server already forgotten as he absorbs the impact of just how much booze they’re knocking back in such a short space of time. He takes a sip of his beer, focused solely on the trio propping up the bar. Well, one person in particular. No change there. Shepard has always held his attention, from the moment he’d laid eyes on her and gawped in unbridled admiration, gauche Lieutenant he was back then. Now, one day after Udina’s treachery, nothing’s changed.

For a woman who should, by all reckoning, be comatose on the floor, Shepard looks….damn she looks good. The mass of white-blonde hair he’s itching to wrap his fingers through is flowing loose over one shoulder, her brilliant sapphire eyes only just betraying how much alcohol she’s burnt through. She’s as toned, fit and as shapely as ever, the casual black tank top and jeans clinging to breasts and an ass that have alternatively tormented and delighted Kaidan in his fevered dreams during their long separation.

Twin spots of pink burn on the cheekbones of her alabaster skin, ruby-red lips wrapped around a cigarette as she leans in to the turian to get a light. She blows a halo of smoke above her head, laughing again in feigned delight at the blatantly suggestive comment from the turian now crowding her space. Kaidan shifts in his seat, unwilling to intervene. Whatever’s been agreed between the two of them now he’s rejoined the Normandy crew bears no relation to the desperate woman standing a mere few feet away from him. He isn’t jealous nor concerned over her safety. Even three sheets to the wind, Shepard can take care of herself.

_One thing is certain. Joker’s right._

_I was hoping he wasn’t…._

Shepard might be able to fool some dumb mercs from the Terminus system, but she can’t hide from him. No matter how long they’ve been apart, no matter how much Kaidan bitterly regrets his harsh words to her on Horizon, Mars and on the Citadel, he knows her inside out. They’ve fought side by side, had each other’s backs in the most brutal of wars, argued strategy, nailed tactics and lived in each other’s pockets thanks to the close confines of the Normandy.

But it’s more than that, so much more.

Kaidan knows just how perfectly Shepard tastes, how she moans and whimpers under the deft touch of his hands, how her guard drops for those beautiful moments when she comes apart beneath him. How vulnerable she is after each shattering orgasm, soft and pliant in his arms as he cradles her to sleep, the nightmares for at least one night banished. How she giggles and blushes when he surprises her with a gift, how she gazes at whatever planet they’re orbiting with wistful pleasure. How silent tears trickle down her cheeks as she recounts the horrors of the past, the choices she’s made and the lives lost because of her actions haunting her every waking and sleeping moment.

No one but Kaidan has ever seen that well-guarded side to Shepard. She’s locked up her emotions tighter than Purgatory and she’s on the route to self-destruct. Joker had written to Kaidan, berating him for his harsh words to Shepard on Horizon then to berate him for not trusting Shepard again after Mars. The brief, hushed dialogue they swapped when Kaidan went to apologise to his old friend on the bridge had Kaidan practically running in his haste to reach the sleazy bar and see for himself how bad it is.

Joker hasn’t lied. Shepard is liable to fly apart at the seams any moment. She’s been, by all accounts, drinking heavily ever since she’d joined Cereberus, seeking out the roughest bars and brutish company in a blatant act of provocation. Why, she’d clearly not wanted to address given Shepard was intent on her own self-destruction. After Horizon, that behaviour had escalated, although she’d not once shown an interest in an affair. Ridiculously, as Kaidan watches her flirt outrageously with the turian, he smiles. He doesn’t know why, after he’d so ruthlessly shut Shepard out, he deserved her faithfulness. But he’s absurdly grateful she's never considered another.

_Because she still cares. For me._

_If she still cares, then there’s hope._

At that point in his ruminations Shepard slips forward, the first outward sign of how drunk she is. It’s the hint Kaidan has been waiting for, to act. He casually stands, walking towards the trio, his gaze fixed on Shepard’s lovely face, drinking in her beauty – in complete contrast to the grotty surroundings. Shepard is a diamond of the first water, a living legend and the pride of the Alliance. More importantly, she’s his and he hers. A simple fact that has never changed, no matter how much they’ve both hurt each other over the years.

She doesn’t belong here, although he understands why she is. He’s the only one who might be able to stem the tide of her devastation.  

It takes her a while to focus on his approach, seemingly appearing from nowhere. She’s now staring back, the bar and the less than desirable occupants forgotten. Kaidan’s heart beats faster as he forces himself to nonchalance. He’s only got moments to make her listen to reason. Whether she will, after their most recent debate, remains to be seen.

‘Gentlemen.’ Kaidan nods curtly to the two others, waving a hand towards the booth he’s just departed. ‘Drinks are on me. Why don’t you take a break and give the lady some space?’

The turian wants to protest then is dragged off by the krogan, giving Kaidan a knowing wink. ‘Free booze huh? I’m not one to turn down that offer. Watch yourself, turian. Let’s leave these two love-birds alone.’

‘Sensible of you,’ Kaidan murmurs, refocusing on the one person that matters. ‘Hello, Shepard.’

‘Kaidan.’ Shepard drags on her cigarette, the shutters once more in place. ‘Didn’t think the Dark Star was your kind of place.’

‘Are you in it?’ Kaidan allows himself a smile as he watches Shepard’s blush deepen. ‘Then this is where I’ll be.’

‘Pretty words, but I don’t buy it. What do you want?’ She’s short in her denial of how deeply affected she is by his presence, stubbing out her cigarette and reaching round her pocket for the pack. ‘Fuck. I’m out.’

‘You don’t smoke.’ Kaidan’s comment is mild but to the point, deciding to tackle her straight on. Any reaction is preferable to the cold stranger before him, if he’s to be successful in his mission. ‘You certainly never used to drink this much. Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Talk about it?’ Shepard’s laugh is sharp, angry. Her hand shakes as she sloshes more whiskey in a glass, knocking it back in one go. ‘The Reapers are eating up everything that fucking moves, Ceberus are on my ass no matter where I turn and, to top it all off, Udina may the two-faced cunt rot in hell, decides to betray us. We’re fractured and defenceless and we’re going to fucking well lose unless we can pull our shit together. And everyone’s staring at yours truly to do it. Unless you’ve got a solution to that, Major, asides from fucking off when I need you the most, then I suggest you leave me to it. I haven’t got time for your trust issues. Either you’re with me or you can get the fuck off my ship.’

‘I’ve never left you. Not where it matters. I know I need to persuade you still.’ He sighs, choosing his words carefully. ‘I won’t apologise for doing my duty – we already had that discussion and you know damn well you’d have done the same. But that’s not what I’m here to say. I’ll never forgive myself for doubting us, Shepard. Doubting what we had.’

Shepard is leaning on the bar, her elbows soaking in spilt alcohol. She sinks her head into her hands, now visibly trembling. Her reserves are spent, her confidence shot. She’s haemorrhaging on the inside, dying from a thousand cuts to her spirit left untended for too long. Kaidan’s heart breaks a little more, to see the woman he loves lain so low. With much of the blame justifiably lain at his door.

‘Shit.’ Her fists clench as Shepard draws a long inward breath. ‘You sure are expert at knocking a girl for six. What do you want from me, Kaidan? A happy ever after? Tripping off in the sunset? Too much has passed between us. You…..on Horizon, then on Mars….and then even yesterday. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough. Just as you refused to take my word for it, so I can’t just accept you’re dandy again. I’m not the same person I was back on the SR-1, and nor are you. I fake it every fucking day, but with you….never with you…..don’t expect me to….’

Shepard’s voice is uneven, realising that fact abruptly as she cuts off her speech. Every word she’s said is true. She’s watching him with a mixture of defeat and naked longing, with no idea how to fix everything that’s gone so horribly wrong between them. They’re emotions he recognises all too clearly. But one thing is for certain – it’s not going to be solved overnight, and certainly not in this shithole.

Belatedly, he’s aware they’ve got an audience. It’s subtle, but there’s no doubt they’re being watched. His heart hurts all over again to witness her pain, Kaidan refusing to let the rest of the world witness Commander Shepard at her lowest.

‘Ssssh. It’s alright. There’s always a way.’ He can’t help himself. His arm slips round her shoulder, pulling Shepard to rest against him. She comes willingly, fitting up against him in all the right places. His only intention for now is to get her out of the bar and into her bunk, safe and sound. The rest they’ll deal with when she’s sober and recovered from the monumental hangover that’s bound to follow. ‘Do you really want to have this discussion here, so Aria can laugh at you next time she sees you? Come with me now and I promise to make you the best bacon sandwich this side of the galaxy.’

‘Fuck it, so they are. Why are you always right? Fucking Aria isn’t going to get one over on me, not now, not ever,’ Shepard grumbles out her compliance, much to Kaidan’s relief. She’s not moved from his side as Kaidan supports her with each slow step out of the bar. ‘This doesn’t mean squat, Alenko. I can’t pretend like nothing happened.’

‘I don’t expect you to.’ Kaidan holds her a little tighter. It’s got nothing to do with helping her walk and everything to do with the incredible sensation of having Shepard in his arms once more. Although he’d prefer such a happy circumstance to take place when she’s not inebriated. ‘Don’t worry about it for now.’

‘Very well. Truce.’ She peers up at him, for the first time smiling properly. ‘Bacon sandwich? James will get jealous.’

They weave their way to the Normandy, slowly but surely. For all her latent anger, Shepard is relaxing, inch by inch, Kaidan keeping her distracted with a light flow of banter. It was too much to hope that she’d make it back to the ship walking – Shepard collapses in an alcoholic daze about fifty metres before the docking bay. She’s light in his arms as he carries her in, the crew melting discretely into the background as he makes his way to her cabin.

It takes a matter of minutes for him to get her boots off and settle her comfortably into bed. He leaves a glass of water on her bedside before smoothing out her hair and tying it back. She hates sleeping with loose hair. Tucking her in fully clothed, the stench of stale booze and smoke is nauseating, Kaidan well aware of how much Shepard is going to hate herself when she wakes in the morning.

Still, he’s here at last. Better late than never, in his attempt to stem the flood of blackness threatening to overtake his Commander. She’s serene in her booze-induced sleep, her lovely features unmarred by the fierce fighting she’s endured her entire adult life. There’s no sign of her internal torture, just of a woman blessedly granted a few hours reprieve from the horror of war.

He leaves her cabin quietly, relieved to have her safe. Their brief exchange has given him plenty to think on. Taking himself back to his own quarters, Kaidan plans his own campaign. Winning back Caya Shepard’s heart is going to be a challenge, but one that he’s beyond impatient to take on.


End file.
